Juggling

I'm not sure how this post will come out.

We've had to make some decisions over work and employment this week. It's been difficult for a variety of reasons, not least of which is finding faith to take the steps and feeling trapped by the approaching changes. Some of the time I feel like I can rise to the role of managing director, planning strategically, overseeing what are basically gambles with our future and money (don't let anyone in business kid you otherwise - it's all just a huge gamble in one sense). On the other hand I feel so much like the technical assistant I was in the beginning, not knowing what to do and waiting for someone to issue instructions.

And behind all that is the thought that the money is running lower, that the plans started now will result in large amounts of hands on work down the line. Chris was asking if she could be trained to do the work, rather than employ technical staff - there's something funny about giving her cell culture work to do, but it would be great if she could.

And even further behind all that is the concern that taking on a part time job will produce both a conflict of interest and that my work won't be up to scratch or I'll make mistakes for customers. A characteristic I have is loyalty, and the concept of just working to take whatever can be taken doesn't work for me at all. So that adds another layer of emotions and concerns to the whole thing.

If life was meant to be easy we'd have been born cats in warm, comfy homes.

It does feel like God came through on this one though. I'd really not been happy and at peace about the approaching situation, but we prayed (one of those "I don't know what to do, but HELP" prayers) this morning, and further discussions seem to have gone in a direction that I feel much happier about.